For lack of motivation in being motivated, my New Year’s pledge is to try to find motivation
I’ve been a bad girl this year.
OK, maybe not bad, but definitely lazy.
Mmmm, well, maybe not lazy either, but I was not motivated.
And I did not have any motivation for getting motivated either.
So you now wonder what on Earth I am talking about…:)
Well… that frightful demon of loosing weight…again.
Believe me, I don’t want to loose weight just because every woman desire a better body. I’ve been feeling bad about my body for a long time now. Ever since I got my third baby and became sick with my thyroid. It made me gain remarkable weight and although I got my diagnosis 2 years ago, and I am doomed to take hormones every single day of my life, it doesn’t seem to be right at all, my hormone level is still not stabilized, and I keep gaining weight.
And it is not just the weight. Which would be more than enough for a woman to break her self-confidence down totally. It is not only the extra weight that makes me less active, that makes me have pain.
It is the look. When I look into the mirror, I don’t see myself in there any more. Nothing similar either. That woman is not me. That woman makes me sick. And angry. And sad. That woman is fat. Not only fat, but unsanitary fat. And her whole body is swollen. Her face is distorted. I am scared and depressed at the same time.
They say that I have an incurable state that is going to get worse with time.
I am 35. I have 3 kids. I love them more, than anything else on Earth. I am in a body that isn’t mine any more, and it disgust me. I so KNOW that ain’t right. And I so KNOW that there is way out of this.
Something must be done. My inner voice tells me to change something. But I have no idea how to start. But surely, writing about this in my blog can be some kind of a therapy (?).
This picture shows the real me (5 years ago, after having 2 kids).
And this is whom (what) I became 😦
So tell me, how do I find motivation for getting motivated? Is there any chance for me to get out of this state? Or will it need an enormous shocking event happening to me?
What would THAT be in this case?